ON THE SIDE.... FUCK OFF!!!

Heres how it goes in the kitchen…

ME “order fire, table 58, 5 cobb salads, one dressing on the side” …

PANTRY COOK “oui chef, 5 cobbs, one DOS”

ME ”where’s the one dressing on the side?”

PANTRY COOK “damn, sorry chef, I dressed them all, ill make another one”…

ME “ok quickly”

PANTRY COOK “awe crap I dressed it again chef”

ME: SHIT, BRANDON! Stop smoking weed before work

ME to a waiter “hey, sell 2 cobb salads fast, I have two extras we dressed them by accident for table 58 ”

WAITER “ok chef, ill try”

WAITER “sorry chef, everyone in my station is already eating”

And as my absent minded pantry cook makes the 8th cobb salad with the dressing ON THE SIDE, and slides it through the window into the waiters hand, I watch the waiter hurry it over to table 58 (everyone is almost done eating, because you had to be special). He puts it down in front of you and apologizes, and with a gaping maw and steam spurting from my ears I watch you DUMP THE DRESSING OVER THE TOP and mix it up.  FUCKING ASSHOLE. ]

Look, we know how much dressing your salad should have, it should be tossed in the kitchen where we season it with salt and pepper and served to you ready to eat. Mostly to prevent you from tossing it all over my hard wood floor and my leather booths. Also because dressing helps keep things like seeds, dried fruit, and nuts mixed throughout and not on the bottom of the salad, where they would end up in a dry salad. But you didn’t know that, what you know doesn’t make it out of the hamburger helper isle at the grocery store. You just have to be different.  so why dont u shut the fuck up and let us do what we do???  Do you think we are taking dressed salad off of used plates from the bus tub and sending it back out to you?